I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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