this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
