Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
