sarcasm needs its own font
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
