So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
