i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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