I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
