I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
