Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
