He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
