A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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