You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sober January is a disaster.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
