1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
