We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
