My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
