atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
