That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
