Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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