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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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