I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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