sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
