i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
God I need to hump something, right now.
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