It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
