what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I pour the whiskey from now on
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
