Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
why is half of my head shaved?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
