Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
