I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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