Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
