1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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