She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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