im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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