You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
