I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
