Farmville is her only friend.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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