i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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