he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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