Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
