Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
