I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
