I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
