I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
