My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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