I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
