you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
