so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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