I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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