I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
