she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
