a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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