Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
