I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
