Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
